In reality, however, the kind of love being paraded by many is at its best the phileos kind of love which is usually towards a friend, family member, well-wisher, or some other friendly or needy acquaintance; and at its worst, it is the eros kind of love which the erotic or sexual love which is lust – often quickly fired up by an attractive or seductive appearance – or some other superficial considerations – and rapidly deflated once its goal has been achieved or its expectations dashed.
But God who is the source and embodiment of true love has given us the true description of the love we must have if we claim to belong to Him. Otherwise, our claims will be empty and false. God will not reckon with a perverted definition of love. He is the embodiment of love, and He alone can tell us what love is. He says in 1 Corinthians 13 that if we say we possess love, then such love must be the agape love, which has the following traits:
- It Suffers Long: It is not touchy or temperamental. It remains calm and pleasant despite repeated provocations. It chooses to suffer wrong to redeem others from perdition. Whatever the level of wrong from others, its compassion never turns to aversion.
- It is Kind: It is not harsh but kind-hearted, gracious, useful, pleasant, and benevolent. Unlike any other kind of love, this agape love always gives and serves; it is always demonstrated outward – to others, not inward to self. It is demonstrated by giving and no one is too poor to give. The measure and frequency may differ but everyone can give something – money, time, skill, prayer, etc.
- It Does Not Envy: True love is never envious of others’ happiness or good fortune. It does not jealously desire what it does not possess.
- It is not puffed up: It does not promote or advertise itself. It does not boast of its gifts, achievements, or possessions. It does not despise others by making them feel inferior or worthlessness.
- It does not behave itself unseemly: it does not behave in a rude, aggressive, and unbecoming fashion. It is not desperate or impatient. It modestly keeps its place without trampling on the rights of others. He or she who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.
- It does not seek its own: It is not self-centered. It does not seek to have its way at whatever cost. Many today are only mindful of their own things, seeking only their own interests – what they stand to gain in any interaction or transaction – not what they can give without being rewarded. That attitude that always looks for “what is in it for me” is not the attitude of love.
- It is not easily provoked: It keeps its temper under control. It is not easily irritated or frustrated by the short-comings of others.
- It does not think evil: It does not harbor feelings of hatred, bitterness, or revenge. It is not critical or fault-finding.
- It does not rejoice in iniquity: It does not rejoice in the downfall of others nor is it gladdened when injustice is meted to supposed enemies or rivals.
- It bears all things: No matter how painful, how unexpected, and how shocking – and doesn’t go about blabbing about what it endures to the world. It makes allowances for others’ failings without making excuses for wrong behaviors.
- It believes in all things: Love always believes in the best of other’s actions and intentions. It doesn’t go about with undue suspicions and baseless reservations.
- It hopes all things: Never give up on others even when they have given up on themselves.
- It endures all things: All things? Including hardships, inconveniences, and deprivations – for the good of others. Yes. What the slights, the insults, the backstabbing and backbiting, the deliberate and mischievous twisting of what we said to put us in a bad light, paying off our good with evil, the teasing, taunting, the bickering, the mudslinging and deliberate denial of rights? Exactly – true love for others will make us bear it all.
If our love falls short of these qualities and attributes, then it is no longer the Scriptural or divine kind of love.
